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DUMPED! Now what do I do?
knew it was coming. Maybe you
didn't. You've been dumped. So, other
than moping around in your pyjamas,
spending quality time with Ben & Jerry,
what can you do? Well, clear away that
mountain of soggy tissues, and I'll tell
you how to get through the worst of it,
the first 30 days. Three things: Take
care of yourself. Give yourself time to
mourn. Move forward. The first 48 hours.
The first 48 hours are the toughest.
Give yourself at least one full weekend
to cry your eyes out, eat junk food and
lie around on your couch in a
broken-heart coma watching sappy movies
or a kung-fu marathon. Try to throw a
few comedies into the mix if you can,
laughter is good for you. If you want to
be alone now, be alone. If you want to
be with friends, by all means, invite
them to console you.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex.
Don't e-mail your ex. Don't see your ex.
Turn your answering machine on and
screen your calls. I'm not saying you
should never talk to your ex again, but
give yourself at least a month or so to
build up your ego again. If you think
you might be tempted, by all means,
invite a friend over to run defence and
keep you away from the phone. Next,
force yourself to think of the
relationship as over. I know that's
tough right now, but it truly is
necessary. Grieve for what it was, and
consider it dead and gone.
The first week. After your first
48 hours, it is important to get off the
couch and take a shower. Not just for
hygiene reasons, (but trust me, by this
time you'll really need it) but because
it's now time to start taking action.
Take down all photos that include your
ex. If you need to have a ceremonial
snapshot torching, by all means, go
ahead. Put all reminders of your ex
(letters, gifts, photos, etc.) in a box
and stuff it way in the back of your
closet, or better yet, your garage -
someplace you won't see it on a regular
basis. If you feel yourself starting to
idealize your ex, and feel the desire to
call him or her, sit down immediately
and make a list of all the things about
your ex that really annoyed you - the
more humorous, the better.
Think hard, I know there's
something.The way he gave the exact same
22-minute response to every single
person who asked how his job was going
for three solid years. The
psycho-squirrel noises she made when she
laughed. The cheap, ugly, green, plastic
phone he gave you for Christmas. The way
she tried to hold in her sneezes,
producing that imploding, snort noise
instead. Whatever you do, don't call
your ex. Start returning to your normal
life. Take an extra 20 minutes with your
appearance this week. Sure, you may not
feel like getting dressed at all, but
trust me, if you look good, you'll feel
Wear something that makes you feel
stunning or confident. Nothing
smoothes the ragged edges of a recent
break-up like a few well-timed
compliments. If your weekend on the
couch still shows in your face, put some
tea bags on your eyelids. Make plans
with friends for every Friday and
Saturday night for the next month, and
stick to them. Get out and go dancing.
It may be the last thing you feel like
doing, but you'll find it's a fabulous
release. The music and physical activity
will make you feel tons better. Speaking
of which, exercise four times this week.
Yeah, I know you won't feel like it, but
do it anyway.
You need those happy endorphins that
exercise brings. Do a little bonding
with your pals. Go to a basketball game,
or even bowling. Just get out of the
house. One last thing for this week,
schedule a massage. You need it! The
second week. Whatever you do, don't call
your ex. Make a detailed list of all
your good qualities. Remember, you're a
unique, wonderful, person, and someone
(probably several someone's) will fall
madly in love with you, and you with
Keep your plans with friends every
weekend, and by all means, do
something physical, or humorous, like
going to a comedy club. Work out (three
times this week, and for the rest of the
break-up survival period), go rock
climbing, or dance like the Backstreet
Boys in your living room (nobody will
see you.) Get your heart rate going.
Aside from making your body look good,
you'll boost your mood as well. This
week is all about pampering yourself.
Get a pedicure, or sit in the sauna.
You've been through a lot, and you
Spend some of your newfound time (and
probably extra cash, too) on something
just for you. Guys, you may be feeling
the need for some type of electronic
device you've been putting off. Now is
the time. Girls, all I can say is, SHOE
Treat yourself to a little something
nice this week, and every week for
the rest of the month. The last two
weeks. Whatever you do, don't call your
ex. You're halfway through the black
period, and the worst is over. This is
when you'll start easing back into your
pre-girl/pre-guy routine. Be a little
selfish with your time, and do exactly
what you want to do. You should be
focusing on taking care of yourself
right now. Now is also the time to start
making long-range plans. Make two plans:
One plan for a vacation (even if it's
three years away,) and one plan for your
You have a clean slate, what do you
want to do? Go back to school?
Become a rock star? Learn how to make
crawfish traps? No one is holding you
back now. Write down your goals, and the
steps you'll need to take to reach them.
Holy Moly! Before you know it, the
entire month has gone by. You're through
the thick of it now, and on the road to
recovery. Sure, you'll hit some bumps
along the way, but you'll live through
You've made it this far, and
you'll be a stronger, wiser person
because of it. Someday, you'll meet
someone who will love and appreciate you
for the amazing person you are. And this
break-up, which is so awful now, will
just be one forgotten U- turn on your
path to true love.
Leave Your Lover, HOW?, find out
squeaks when she blows her nose. He
eats like a rabid pig. It's just not
working out. We've all spent some time
stuck in a relationship we didn't want
to be in because we didn't have the
heart (or some other equipment) to end
it. Maybe we don't want to hurt someone
we've been close to, or worse, maybe
it's clear right away we're dealing with
a nut and we don't want to be the
trigger for an economy-sized bottle of
Prozac and a six-week stint at the Bendy
Willow Psychiatric Centre.
So what do you do when it's
completely obvious you're just not meant
to be together? You break up. Or, you
try to break up, don't quite hit the
mark, and end up sucked back into the
awful relationship for round two,
because you just couldn't make it stick.
Is there a way to make it permanent
without causing permanent damage? The
key is to have a plan, a good plan.
Location,, Location. It's really
important to pick a good strategic
break-up setting. The best places to
have "the talk" are both public but
fairly private, with a convenient escape
route. The best location? Outside,
walking at a park. It's crowded enough
to ensure you won't have a big scene,
but private enough your dumpee won't
feel like he or she is naked at a
funeral. Other agreeable break-up
locales include restaurants (but not a
favourite restaurant) or a walk around
The worst place to break up, at a
party or work. The only thing worse than
being dumped is being dumped in front of
people you're going to have to see on a
regular basis. Timing Is Everything.
Another key to effective break-ups is
precise timing. Breaking up at a park
gives both your dumpee and you the
chance to leave once the deed is done.
If you're ending the relationship at a
restaurant, do it only after the check
has come and you've paid for dinner.
(And by the way, if you're about to dump
someone, you should DEFINITELY be buying
dinner.) There's nothing more horrifying
than being dumped and then having to sit
around making small talk for another 20
minutes while you're waiting for the
check to come. (As in, "Hey Lula, what
are you doing now that you don't have
plans for tonight? Laundry?")
Happy Freaking Birthday. Never
break up with someone within two weeks
of a major holiday or his/her birthday.
Make that a month for Valentine's Day
and Christmas. There's no faster entry
to the Bitch/Bastard Hall of Fame than
permanently destroying the holidays for
your soon-to-be-ex. It's just not nice,
and you don't want that
biting you in the ass when your turn as
the dumpee rolls back around. It's Not
You, It's Me.
The first thing to remember is not to
drag it out. The longer it takes,
the worse it is for everybody involved.
Whenever you end the relationship, be
sure to make your reasons relevant only
to you. Say, "This is not working for
me." Stick with your basis and keep
repeating yourself over and over if
necessary. It's impossible for someone
to argue with you about reasons that
pertain only to you.
If you end up getting sucked into a
where you have to list grounds for
wanting it over, you may find yourself
in for an encore. If you say, "we fight
too much" or "you don't seem happy" your
partner may offer to change, taking all
the air out of your break-up and landing
you right back in the relationship..
Worst-case scenario, if you're too much
of a weenie to break-up with your girl
or guy yourself, Hire A Hit Man!
not interested in old-fashioned
dinner parties. Older Americans looking
for love have taken a cue from young
urban singles and are flocking to speed-dating
events and online personals sites.
Match.com, a popular dating
website, says registrations among people
over 50 have soared 340 percent since
2000. The American Association of Retired
Persons now has a dating advice column
in its member magazine.
On Maryland's Eastern Shore, where the
roads are dotted with ads for new retirement
communities, the changing senior dating
scene is evident.
The speed-dating event Walsh attended
was put on by Mingling Singles, a group
that's tripled its membership since
its creation just two months ago.
Another group near Ocean City, Beach
Singles, has 150 members, all over the
age of 45, with a new chapter planned
in nearby Salisbury. The Merry Widows
and Widowers Social Club also operates
in Ocean City.
"The seniors are pouring down here,"
said Lois West, 71, secretary of Beach
Singles. "They move here for the beach,
but then they don't know anybody."
re-learning how to meet people'
and they're not interested in old-fashioned
"We're much more active. A widow in
the olden days would sit inside and
wear black. Today she's probably out
dancing," West said.
The silver-haired singles scene on the
Eastern Shore is likely to keep growing.
Eight of nine counties on the shore
have a greater proportion of people
over 65 than Maryland as a whole, according
to the Census Bureau. In Talbot and
Worcester counties, more than one in
five residents are now over 65, compared
to about 11,3 percent for the state
as a whole.
At the speed-dating event, some attendees
said their grown children pushed them
to attend. Others said they were sick
of tagging along with friends who are
couples, or were just tired of trying
to find love in a bar.
"As soon as my 31-year-old daughter
heard about it, she was like, 'Oh, Mom,
you have to go,"' said JoAnn Collinson,
52, a widow from Bishopville who said
she's looking as much for companionship
Rick Hosler, 56, retired to the area
after a career as a firefighter admitted
being a little scared to talk to single
"I would've never thought I'd do this,"
he said before the lights flickered
to signify the speed-dating would begin.
"I just thought, it's something different.
I'm not a bar-type person. I don't like
The matchmaking industry is catching
on to the dating interests of older
adults. Some dating websites now have
special seniors-only areas. Spark Networks,
based in Los Angeles, started SilverSingles last year, and
the site now has about 600 000 members.
Another of its dating sites, PrimeSingles has another 13
"They're not a segment we've been marketing
to aggressively, but we're still seeing
it grow," said company spokesperson
Gail Laguna. "Seniors have started to
see that it's more acceptable, more
socially acceptable, to try online dating."
Seniors are more comfortable than they
used to be with the Internet, and they're
finding that online dating lets them
take their time choosing a possible
mate, said Kathleen Roldan, spokesperson
"Fifty-five and over is our fastest-growing
segment," Roldan said. "As we get older,
the pool of eligible people we have
to choose from gets smaller and smaller.
And the bar scene is not attractive."
It's too soon to know whether the speed-dating
event resulted in any romances - like
many singles groups, the women far outnumbered
the men -but based on the din of laughter
in the crowd, the singles enjoyed it.
Even Charles Walsh eventually sat down
and chatted with some ladies.
"I'm just starting again" in the singles
scene, said Ryan Boyer, 49, of Ocean
City. "It's hard. You know what I mean?
Where do you start again? I'm just re-learning
how to meet people."
Even if they don't find love quickly,
senior singles enjoy the activities
more often associated with younger people,
West said. And if romance comes later,
they'll be ready.
is UK's Singles Resource Directory promoting singles
event organizers who offer speed dating, dinners,
dance parties, social clubs, dinners4six, travel,
tours & trips, life coaches, yoga, adventure, entertainment
& cruises, psychics, fitness & health treatments,
nightclubbing, online dating & sports for singles
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